Opening Hours: A Clarification

We have received a number of messages asking when the practice is open. We take this as a sign that our website has failed in its duty, so we offer the following clarification.

Standard hours

The practice is open from nine in the morning until five in the afternoon, Monday to Friday. This is the plan. It has been the plan for many years, and Dr Calloway is rather fond of it.

Actual hours

The practice is in fact open from approximately ten, when Nibbles Fenwick unlocks the door, until about four, when the sun leaves the waiting room. Between one and two, the practice is closed for lunch, which lasts until three. On Wednesdays Dr Calloway attends a seminar, which is a nap.

Emergency appointments

For urgent matters, please call our emergency line. The line is answered by a recorded message that says “Please hold”, followed by a long silence, followed by a gentle purr. This is intended to comfort, and in many cases it has.

Emergency patients will be seen as soon as the dentist notices them. Average time to notice: forty minutes, or one bird.

Public holidays

We are closed on all public holidays, as well as on days that feel like holidays. We also close on days when it rains, as the waiting room develops a smell.

Booking

Appointments may be booked by:

• Calling the practice and listening to the purr
• Visiting in person and sitting by the desk
• Sending a message, which will be read when convenient
• Leaving a small gift of fish outside the door

Last word

Frequently misunderstood signs

Our door has a sign that says “Pull”, and another that says “Push”. Both are accurate at different times of day, depending on who is standing on the other side. If you find yourself pushing and pulling at once, you are probably Nibbles Fenwick, and we would like our stapler back.

There is also a small laminated notice on the reception desk reading “Back in five minutes”. It has been there since March. We do not remove it because it has become part of the building, like Gerald.

We are always happy to see patients, or not to see them, depending on how you look at it. Our door is open. Please do not paw at the sign.