Five Myths About Tuna Breath, Corrected by Nibbles Fenwick
Tuna breath is perhaps the most talked about condition in the feline community. As the practice hygienist, Nibbles Fenwick receives questions on it every day. Below, she corrects five common myths. This article is for entertainment only.
Myth one: tuna breath is a sign of poor character
This is false. Tuna breath is a sign that you have eaten tuna. Many of the most respected cats in history had tuna breath, including several who were consulted by Dr Calloway and who left without comment.
Myth two: tuna breath can be cured by chewing grass
Chewing grass is an excellent hobby, but it produces a different smell, which we call “lawn regret”. Cats who attempt to mask tuna breath with grass often end up with both smells, and a mild feeling of betrayal.
Myth three: your human cannot smell it
Your human can smell it. She is simply too polite to say so. She pretends to enjoy it when you breathe on her face at 5 AM, but a flicker of surprise crosses her features each time. We call this the “morning flinch”.
Myth four: a rinse will solve everything
- A rinse may freshen the mouth briefly
- A rinse will not change the fact that you have been eating tuna
- A rinse cannot be administered by a cat to a cat without an argument
- Nibbles Fenwick has been bitten twice trying
We therefore recommend gentle conversation, followed by a quick retreat.
Myth five: tuna breath is permanent
It is not. It fades after a few hours, although in cases of extreme enthusiasm it can linger until the following Tuesday. Dr Calloway suggests that patients treat it as a seasonal fragrance and enjoy it while it lasts.
Final word from Nibbles
“People ask me how to avoid tuna breath,” says Nibbles. “I tell them to stop eating tuna. They look at me as though I have suggested they stop breathing. And that, I think, is the most honest answer a cat has ever given.”
Please remember that this is a joke website and that your real vet will give you real advice about your real cat.
