Staff Memo: Please Stop Placing Floss in the Fish Tank
From: Practice Manager
To: All staff, including Nibbles Fenwick, who knows what she did
Subject: Floss, fish and fairness
Colleagues, I write with regret. Over the last week, strands of dental floss have been discovered in the waiting room fish tank on five separate occasions. I do not know who is responsible, but I have a suspicion, and the suspicion is currently asleep on the reception desk.
What has happened
On Monday, a single strand was found draped across the castle ornament. On Tuesday, three strands. On Wednesday the whole tank appeared to be wearing a net. By Thursday the goldfish, who are normally calm, had formed a defensive circle.
Why this is a problem
- Floss is not a toy, even though it moves
- The fish did not ask for decorations
- Dr Calloway has said that the tank is “an important source of visual interest for anxious patients” and now it looks like a crime scene
- The patients have started asking if the fish are being flossed
What we are doing about it
First, all floss will now be stored in a locked drawer, which Nibbles Fenwick has already opened twice. Second, the drawer will be moved to a higher shelf, which she has also reached. Third, a sign will be placed on the tank saying “Fish Are Not Equipment”, which Nibbles has agreed to read, at least in principle.
A note on the goldfish
The goldfish are unharmed. They have however become suspicious of anyone who walks past with a string. Please be aware of this, and walk with your hands visible.
Reminder on dental hygiene
We do believe in flossing. It is an important part of oral care, for those who have hands. For those who do not, we have the concept of “thinking about flossing”, which is almost as good and takes much less time.
Next steps
A meeting will be held on Friday, in the corridor, at a time to be decided by the fish. Attendance is optional. Cake will not be provided, because the last cake was sat on.
Thank you, and please keep your paws off the tank.
