Welcome to Our New Waiting Room: Please Look at the Ceiling

We are delighted to unveil the refurbished waiting room at Eyes Elsewhere Dental. After many months of planning, and one afternoon of actual work, the room is ready to welcome patients of every shape, size and level of dread.

Design philosophy

Our guiding principle is that the patient should not be looking at the dentist, and the dentist should not be looking at the patient. To make this possible, the room has been arranged so that every possible line of sight leads somewhere else. The chair faces a window. The window faces a wall. The wall has a poster of a bird.

Features

• A single comfortable chair, which is currently occupied by Nibbles Fenwick
• A magazine rack containing three magazines, all of them about fish
• A ceiling with a crack shaped like a mouse, which Dr Calloway has named Gerald
• A tank of goldfish, installed by the practice for observation purposes only
• A curtain that moves of its own accord

The crack in the ceiling

We want to address concerns about the crack. It is not structural. It is not alarming. It is, in the opinion of Dr Calloway, the most interesting thing in the building, and patients are encouraged to study it for as long as they like. Several have reported that they stared at it for an hour and forgot why they came.

Waiting times

Our waiting times are among the most generous in the area. The average patient waits forty minutes, though this is only because the dentist is looking out of a window and has not noticed the clock. Patients who wait longer than two hours are offered a small sachet of dried tuna and an apology that is delivered by staring.

Accessibility

The waiting room is fully accessible to any cat who can jump onto a chair. Cats who cannot jump are welcome to wait on the floor, which is also the chair.

A word from the dentist

“We want patients to feel comfortable,” said Dr Calloway, speaking from behind a plant. “There is nothing to worry about. Please do not look at the equipment, and please do not look at me, and please do not look at the door either. Look at Gerald.”

We thank you for your patience, which we regard as a donation.